Key words: he said to talk about it when I lose weight.
I am 28 years old, with a height of 168 cm and a weight of 140 jin. He is 25 years old, 188cm tall and weighs 190 jin. We were together for three months, fell in love online, appeared for a month, met twice, and had sex.
The last time we met was on May 30th. After the meeting, I felt that his attitude towards me was obviously different, until yesterday I couldn't stand his indifference and quarreled with him, and finally he broke up. Because he says he likes skinny girls.
I'm a little fat. I'm trying to lose weight now, but I can't lose weight to his liking all at once. He also promised me a few months at the beginning, and he saw that I was trying to lose weight.
At the beginning of yesterday, he said that we hadn't seen each other for the last few months and talked every day. Wait three months later I lost weight and we will meet again, I said not to meet, but every day video chat, he said no.
In the back, he became more and more determined and was about to break up. He said that he hadn't played enough and didn't go out to play with me much. He was very tired to accompany me every day.
I said, "if you want to go out and play, you can go out and play, just tell me about it." he said he just didn't want to talk about it.
Anyway, at the beginning of yesterday, he did not want to break up. He just said that he would not see each other. When he met, he thought that I was too fat to accept. After that, he became more and more determined, and then he said goodbye directly.
He said yesterday that he had never liked me very much, just because I was very kind to him, and he had not been in love for five years, so he wanted to try to fall in love. He said that he had been trying to accept my figure, but it was difficult for him to accept it as soon as he met him.
He said at first that I was good at everything, that I was fat, and yesterday he said that I was not his type, even if I lost weight, I might not be able to like me, so he didn't want to delay me.
I asked him to wait for me for a few months so that I could lose weight. He said that when I lose weight, I will be a friend first. Do I have to fix this relationship? .
Cold love reply:
At first glance, this story is very simple. A passer-by who does not need any professional training will say, "Girl, hurry up. If you go on like this, you will only be more sad."
Of course, our work must not stop here, otherwise, like the neighborhood committee aunt, say a few words here casually, and the matter will be over.
But in fact, there are many profound things in this story.
First of all, how did a person get to today's weight of 140 jin step by step?
What's the story like? What is her mental journey? We're curious.
What is the attitude towards life that we advocate?
I once said after class online that "if a single person really wants to get a love that he or she is satisfied and really appreciates, he needs to be in a good state at all times."
This means that we should have a kind of control over ourselves, including our internal and external control.
I even said, "even if you go downstairs to take out the trash, you have to clean it up a little bit, because no one knows if you will meet your Prince Charming when you go downstairs to take out the trash."
This girl is in such a predicament now.
She met a boy she admired, but she was not the best she was at this time.
She was a little caught off guard and wanted to spend a few more months to get her weight down to a state of satisfaction.
It's like going to an exam. When she comes to the examination room, she finds that she can't do any questions, and then hopes to give her a few more months to learn it again.
Obviously, this is impossible.
We should treat every day as if it were the best day to manage ourselves.
Second, to say that this boy is very bad, it is indeed a little bit.
But if we look at this chat record, we will find that such a man is not the most harmful.
The most harmful scum man is that he only wants to have sex with a girl, but deceives a girl that he wants to fall in love with a girl.
In the chat transcript, this man is at least real.
He said to the hostess, "I don't like you at all. I'm with you just to have sex with you."
This sentence could not be more clear, and then he added, "I'm telling you the truth, I like young, beautiful and thin ones."
Of course, these words are very hurtful.
However, we have to explore one thing, why this man talk to this point, the hostess still can not let go of each other?
I think the core issue here is acceptance.
It's like the world gave our heroine an answer, and then our protagonist lay on the ground and rolled and said, "I don't like this answer. You can't do this to me."
There is a need to connect a tested relationship between our cognition and the real world.
In this reality test relationship, a person's growth is to make his cognition connected with reality and can be tested.
A person's growth is the process of accepting reality.
Then why can't the hostess accept it?
How to cultivate this kind of "acceptance"?
Generally speaking, it has something to do with a person's growing environment, a person's family, how their parents treat themselves, and the script they have in hand.
It is possible that the heroine has escaped the test of reality again and again in the past, and there is always someone to help her escape the setbacks and lessons she should have suffered.
So, she had such an escape script in her hand.
I think that if the heroine cannot replace the script with a script connected with reality in the future, the tragedy will be repeated over and over again.
As for this relationship, of course, there is no need to recover.