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Text | practical bacteria.
On the Internet, we often see articles like this:
The happiest thing is to marry someone who doesn't need you to become mature.
The reason is that with such a person, you do not need to face the cruelty of life, you do not need to bear pressure and grievances, no matter what happens, the other person will stand by you like a big tree to protect you from the wind and rain and protect your innocence.
This kind of picture is very beautiful when you think about it.
Of course, we can also say:
There is a saying that goes like this:
We are born incomplete, it is the arrival of another person that makes us complete.
From this point of view, love is the satisfaction of needs.
No matter who you are with, as long as it is what you like, then that person must have met your psychological needs in some way.
The key is to make a clear distinction:
What kind of needs do you want to be met?
What kind of needs can this person meet?
Depending on the needs you meet, your happiness in a relationship will be very different.
In a nutshell, this satisfaction can be divided into two types:
1. Meet the need for pleasure and pleasure.
In the process of life and growth, everyone will encounter all kinds of problems and experience all kinds of negative emotions.
Such emotions need to be exported or solved, so we need to relax and be happy in time.
For example, when you go to the movies, those popcorn blockbusters are popular because they don't need you to think about anything, just follow the plot to experience it.
It satisfies a person's need to relax and feel good, which is also very important. It can help us relieve stress in real life. It is a pressure relief valve.
The same is true of feelings, many people will regard love as a panacea to solve all problems, that love can solve all problems.
It doesn't matter if you are psychologically fragile, it doesn't matter if you have a bad temper, it doesn't matter if you don't want to grow up, as long as you find the right person, the hug of love can solve all the unhappiness in life.
It's like it doesn't matter if a person is poor, it doesn't matter if he doesn't have the ability, and it doesn't matter if he doesn't want to work. As long as he wins the first prize in the lottery, everything will be solved instantly.
Such a life counterattack is very dramatic, and if you are lucky enough to experience it, there will be a dreamy sense of satisfaction.
The only problem is that such happiness can be encountered rather than sought, and most people may not encounter it once in a lifetime.
More importantly, even if we do meet, such happiness is short-lived.
With the passage of time, new problems will still emerge. No matter how much money and love you have, you will not be able to solve the three thousand troubles set in your life.
two。. To meet a need to escape the pain of growing up.
A person's growth is like a butterfly breaking its cocoon into a butterfly, pain is doomed.
Growth means change, and change is destined to be uncomfortable.
On the one hand, you have to constantly leave your comfort zone and do things that you are not used to and are not good at. It takes a lot of energy and patience to adjust and change.
On the other hand, change also means a sense of self-denial, which is not a small test of our self-esteem.
Why do so many people know they want to change, but they just can't take action?
The reason is that it is difficult for us to cross the psychological threshold of self-denial.
Why do some people always like to blame others?
Because when blaming others, the subtext is that everything is other people's fault, so it is others, not themselves, who need to make changes.
In fact, it is the same mentality to marry a person who does not need to make himself mature.
This is tantamount to shifting the responsibility for growth to the lover, who is responsible for everything, while he only needs to retreat to a warm and innocent infancy, be himself, and get what he wants.
Sometimes, the love in many people is just to be loved, not to give love to each other.
Think about it, when a person has to bear the weight of two people, how long can he hold on?
So, what kind of relationship can make people have more long-term happiness?
There is a love formula:
Love = commitment + giving + tolerance + sacrifice + pain + quarrel + grievance + harvest + happiness.
This formula is interesting, and it at least reveals the following truth:
There is no essential difference between emotional life and our daily life, as there are ups and downs, and there is no escape from growth and maturity.
So, if you want to have longer-term happiness, you need to understand at least two things:
1. Happiness is actually a sense of participation in life, and happiness given by others is a kind of welfare, not real satisfaction.
If you have never really contributed to your own happiness, then happiness is easy to make people feel uneasy.
If you don't know how you get someone's love, it's easy to wonder how you're going to lose it.
When the passion fades away, will there really be someone who will always love someone who has no contribution to his life?
The answer is self-evident.
two。. It's okay to think about marrying someone who doesn't need to make you mature, but don't be stupid enough to chase it.
The best love is when two people are independent, both grow up and strive to become a better person.
The best relationship is not to be conjoined all the time, but to keep company with each other, with the same interest and equal soul.